WOMEN,
CONFIDENCE,
FREEDOM,
COMPLICITY.
It’s no laughing matter.
Created by
Holly Mandel
GROUNDLINGS alum Holly Mandel developed these talks in response to her observations as a director and instructor, both at The Groundlings and her own improv school in New York City in the early 2000s. Her research led to the creation of groundbreaking, entertaining, and thought-provoking talks and workshops focused on putting THE GOOD GIRL under the microscope.
Mandel identified a pervasive social structure, an unspoken set of rules and roles, that many women are expected to follow, known as THE GOOD GIRL. This structure exists not only in external factors like laws, media, and culture but also internally within individuals, making it even more challenging to navigate.
Her project aims to expose THE GOOD GIRL in all her forms. By understanding her motives and the role she plays in keeping all women trapped in a structure that obstructs them from being truly free, respected, and self-directed, Mandel believes real progress can be made and culture to move forward.
“What a beautifully empowering talk that I NEEDED. You had made so many points that are constantly overlooked by everyone around me because it's simply "the norm" and I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you bringing light to them.
Since the talk, I felt a big shift in myself; the way I treat myself and the women around me and I LOVE it. ”
— Monette M, Los Angeles
“Thank you for that talk last night. As was the entire room, I spent the time choked up and reviewing so much of my life through a new lens. AND IT MADE SENSE! I'm about to share your website with a whole lotta ladies that need it.”
— Robin B, New York City
Meet The Good Girl.
She takes may forms and serves a variety of carefully-constructed purposes. She is defined by a set of values, often dependent on cultures, class and context. SHOULDS. The prescribed, acceptable DO’S and DON’TS.
Being GOOD is when you DO what you SHOULD DO. You are affirmed because you are pleasing.
It means, in many ways, you’ve obeyed. When you obey, you’re seen as being GOOD. And…you’re rewarded.
Not all women are given the same set of criteria. Some women’s definition of being “good” means they stay out of the way, quiet, or invisible. Some are rewarded if they are selfless, pleasant, and serve others. Some learn that they will never even be given access to the label of “GOOD GIRL”.
Many of us know what happens when we reject some or all of the playbook we are given, the lines of the script we’ve been handed, and have inherited.
How interested are we in understanding these rules?
How interested are we in unpacking who they benefit and who they hurt?
And…what on earth does that have to do with comedy???
If you haven’t been formally introduced to your GOOD GIRL, you’ll want to do that nowish.
Until you learn how she operates in you, what she wants for you, and most importantly, what she has been inhibiting in you, you’ve probably been obeying her for a very long time.
She wants you to get everything PERFECT, she wants you to always be RIGHT, always be LIKED, never upset anyone. She rules you by SHOULDS. She tells you you’re being TOO this or TOO that. She watches your every move, and is always there editing, critiquing, and undermining.
She has been wired to MISTRUST other women, she wants to the THE ONE. She craves AFFIRMATION constantly from those in charge, for SHE has no authentic power so she must manipulate to get it.
We are great at learning what the rules are and playing by them. Crushing them, even.
Problem is, they are not set up for us to WIN. They are set up for us to COMPLY and OBEY. To participate in its culture, not buck it and reinvent it.
Isn’t it time we established our own rules, defined for ourselves what it means to be a woman?
How do we get beyond the grasp of the Good Girl that we seem to be stuck in and always reinforcing?
Would you believe that comedy holds the answer?
I know, it shocked me too. But think about it, what it takes to be a comedian is the very thing that flies in the face and disarms the Good Girl. Comedians have to have strong opinions, they have to want to push back against culture, they have to not give a shit what people think about them and instead are more compelled to share their thoughts and their point of view. Being liked takes a backseat to being heard and seen.
Comedians aren't protecting an image of perfection. Looking beautiful, being attractive and pursued — while all fine and good on their own — are never on a comedian’s "3 most important things” list Don't get me wrong, comedians can look hot when they want to. They can also be a fucking hot mess when they want to. Being authentic is valued above being a fake version of yourself that pleases everyone and offends no one.
We can’t directly change CULTURE.
Culture changes when people within it break free and express new values and wants.
They decide to define themselves instead of default to the norm.
Culture always shifts as a result of those within it shifting.
(in other words, that’s us. shall we begin…?)
“ Nellie Bly: What do you think the new woman will be?
Susan B. Anthony: She’ll be free. ”
“I’m no longer accepting the things I cannot change...I’m changing the things I cannot accept.”
“Mother Teresa didn’t walk around complaining about her thighs – she had shit to do.”